Bermuda
by onehellofashipper
Summary: I'm back! This story is written in a new style - it was inspired by a drama OST! Instead of the usual fluff and romance seen in my other works, this story deals with heavy angst and psychological trauma. It may be a bit confusing and dark - this work is slightly more philosophical and heavy. The italics are the song lyrics. OST credit: To a Butterfly by Jichang Wook. (Empress Qi)


_A place with no direction, within the Isle of the Devils, burning with passion._

Ciel Phantomhive, the ever cold earl of Funtom Co., sat cross legged in his office. In his childish hands was a black and white ceramic tile; a domino. Concentration furrowing his unblemished skin, determination in his eyes, the only thing detracting from the peaceful image was the tension in the air. Tight, suffocating, like the corset he once wore, Ciel Phantomhive was choking in his own thoughts. With a hand shaking like the last leaf on a tree, he places the tile. His usually cold, blue eyes are hollow, tinged in red. As a child would throw a tantrum, he swipes his hand across the meticulous row of dominos. One after another fall in a waterfall of black and white flash. _If only life was black and white._ A pathetic smile tugs his lips and his eyes flash with a deranged glint. "You fall for one, they fall for another." An empty laugh escapes between two rows of pearlescent teeth. "How fitting." A sinister grin splits the sinless face in grotesque beauty. "Hell be with those who want what they can't have."

But a child can't help but want what he can't have.

A quiet but resounding knock breaks Ciel out of his speculation. Running a clammy, white hand against the black-blue softness of hair, he made sure he didn't look shaken. _Black and white. Set in stone with nothing to change._ All signs of mental disturbance left his angelic face before letting an equally quiet command pass his lips. "Enter."

A muted _click_ rings through the spacey room as silk-clad, sinful hands slip inside. An equally ungodly curve of the lips follow inside. All will, all vigilance is lost as the deafening pounding of his heart fills his shell-shaped, delicately pink ears. The roaring in his tender ears is too much to bear for the young earl. Trembling hands press hard against them, vulnerability laced through his infantile features. _Love, hate, hell, heaven, revenge, no -_

 _Quiet._

Ciel looks up, through the long curtains of his eyelashes, a teardrop balancing, as dangerous as his love. Ciel looks up, into the enthralling fuchsia that was mirroring his tear-stained, heart-shaped face.

"Bocchan, are you alright?"

Three words.

But not the ones his heart longed to hear.

Oh, if he could take back time, bend the will of nature, he would have given nine lives.

If only he had not taken the temptation had he known it would have been his demise.

No. No, the earl had fully known that he was falling deeply into a hell he could not crawl back out of.

And he didn't care. _Is this how Eve had felt, tasting the apple? Aware she was poisoning herself, but feeling a lifetime of pain was worth it for the sweet quench of thirst?_

Young, inexperienced lips met cold, unexpecting ones.

It wasn't sweet and slightly sloppy like a first kiss should be.

It wasn't salty and tearful like a last kiss would be.

It was heart-wrenching and desperate, spicy with feelings and bitter with hurt.

It was unreturned.

"What. The. _Fuck_."

It wasn't the unrefined words that spilled from sophisticated lips that surprised him.

It wasn't the quickness of how Sebastian had pulled away from.

It was the way how the once-mesmerizing, twinkling rubies now shined at him in disgust and contempt.

It was how the once loyal butler left without another word.

Time passed, and with time wounds closed and forgetness came.

Sipping on tea Tanaka had brought him, the no longer young earl sat reading a picture book. Ciel Phantomhive had never quite let go of his childish tendencies, much to the fortune of Funtom Co.

 _And the Princess had fallen in love with the maid. She was her queen, the love of her life._

 _But Cupid sometimes runs out of arrows to shoot two people._

"Wha-"

Deja vu wraps the earl in a cold embrace as tears unknown to the man flows down his ever so clear skin.

The wound had never closed, only forgotten and buried under a bandage of denial.

Tearing himself away from the suffocating arms of the past, Ciel ran, from his room, from his past, from his love.

Until he reached the garden.

Falling, ungracefully and human, to his knees, he wailed in memory of his butler.

"Where are you? I can't see you!"

 _Do you not see me?_

"How am I supposed to live without knowing if you're alive!"

 _Here I am, darling, breathing next to you._

"How am I supposed to reach you?"

 _I must not reach you; to you -_

"My love for you!"

 _My love for you._

"At least let me touch you, know you're here!"

 _So close you were to me, I could almost touch you._

"Please!"

 _But I cannot, should have not, and I wither away._

"Why did you leave me?"

 _May I not keep you here with the words 'I love you?'_

"How could I forget that day?"

 _Can you not allow even a day to me?_

"Do you know how much you've hurt me?"

 _Is it my love for you that is burdening you?_

"I beg you, please!"

 _I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'm sorry for loving you…._

"Please…. Come back…"

 _Because I love you, mi amor._

"What is it that you don't like about me?"

 _I know, I probably cannot keep you near with the mere words 'I love you.'_

"I'll give you my soul! Take it, dammit!"

 _I could give my everything but still it wouldn't be enough to catch you in my arms._

"I'm in so much pain…"

 _My feelings for you and my heart continues to ache in pain._

"Are you happy now?"

 _Don't go_

"Without me, are you happy now?"

 _Don't go_

Strained, physically and emotionally, the earl falls down in grace this time, tears masking his age. For a second the young owner of the then unblemished heart is shown.

In that second, a shadow cloaks the milky figure of the earl. _Black and white. A perfect match._

Narrowed red eyes glint from beneath the raven hood masking the identity. But this time the red eyes glint not from amusement but tears. They are red not from lust but from being bloodshot.

The hooded face is lowered in a kiss seething of poison.

 _Please don't go….. Mi amor._

A sinister grin is mirrored on the hooded face.

"I'm not going anywhere anymore, princess."

 _Bermuda, a place with no direction, a trap of the devil._


End file.
